DrRoberta Here’s a way to stay calm instead of letting the other person get to you.
Analyze, don’t personalize. It’s not always about you. You don’t always have to defend yourself. You don’t always have to react.
There are many times each day when you have an opportunity to learn something new about a person you’re interacting with. What is there to learn? You can learn about their psychological needs, their emotional makeup, their fears and weaknesses. The more you know about someone the easier it is to get along with them.
But, you won’t have the chance to explore the interesting depth of someone if you hastily dismiss them when there is a conflict or disagreement. For example, Alan came to my office complaining about his co-worker: “He’s trying to show me up. He’s stealing my ideas. He’s out to get me. I might just have to quit, all because of John.”
I suggested Alan investigate John’s interaction with other workers. Sure enough, Alan noticed that John was bossy to other workers and often made nasty comments to them.
My advice: Analyze, don’t personalize. Figure out why John needs to act like a big shot. Figure out why John enjoys belittling others.
Alan took my advice and he no longer feels like quitting. He realized that he could safely and easily ignore John. John was not criticizing Alan because of anything Alan was doing, but rather because of his own insecurities. It wasn’t about Alan at all; it was about John. Analyze, don’t personalize and your daily interactions with difficult people will be easy.
